I hate this.

I feel as life is a challenge that some people just want you to believe is impossible. A brick wall that you can’t break through. In my case, being involved with something you love, and have little doubt the outcome of all your hard work isn’t going to be positive. Then you find out it isn’t.


Team is greater than me. My teams basketball motto. It has double standards to me, even though I know that it shouldn’t. Working hard, going hard, and encouraging each other is important and essential for a team to function. I thought I had all these elements, but I guess what you think and what you’re friends and teammates are telling you, doesn’t matter. The person with the whistle around their neck’s opinion does. Team is greater than me. You shouldn’t think of why or why not you’re on whatever team. You should be proud and love your team, no complaints.

But no one ever tells the story about the hard worker who got everything stolen right from under her. It’s like.. I can’t even explain it.

Doing something you love and putting all your energy and focus into it, but in the end someone else makes the team and knocks you down, taking your breathe along with steal.

No matter how you think you’re performing, and no matter what any one of your friends is telling you doesn’t matter when you have someone else making decisions. It’s all in their hands.

I’m not one for complaining, but when nothing special is going on in your life and you have this one constant, and then it’s suddenly taken from you like a four month old child and a pacifier, you feel like everything that matters is gone in an instance. Helplessly wondering where it went.

I drove myself crazy, going over every second of practice, and everything that all my teammates had told me over the past few months, but nothing prepared me for this.

Not getting the jersey I wanted, really hurt me, and I was confused about it for what seemed like six months, but turned out to only be twenty-four hours. I felt as if my coach didn’t see all the hard work I put into practice. Like she was seeing right through me, to go on to the next girl waiting in line for a varsity jersey.

The day she told me, I held in the tears. I didn’t want to look like a cry baby, even though that’s exactly how I felt like acting. I just nodded, tried to smile, and tried harder to walk away without having to listen to another word. And when I became quiet through the practice some people asked why and all I had to say was, “ She told me I’m dressin’ for JV tomorrow.” Most of their reactions were asking me “Why?” or making a questioning face, and I would just shrug and walkaway so they wouldn’t see my eyes start watering. It didn’t help that they were all complaining about the team I was on and who took my place. After practice our coach went up to a few girls and was asking them if they knew why they were on JV. I took notice to this and decided that I would change and dash out before she had time to get to me. My plan was almost working when I noticed her standing by the corner waiting for me. So what do I do? I turn around the other way and take the back door out.

JV. I just thought that I had earned something a little higher than that, but she didn’t. There was nothing I could do about her decision, so I didn’t want to talk about it to anyone. I didn’t want to, but I learned that you get past the situation easier when you do talk about it to a friend that has a clue where you’re coming from. Someone who listens when you have something that makes you feel like your world is being ripped apart from the stitches by someone you look up to. Someone who has been through your situation and doesn’t look at you like you’re pathetic when you start crying in the middle of a sentence and you have to pause a second before you continue on. There’s a distinct difference between telling your story to someone who has been through it, and someone who hasn’t.

I learned not to get your hopes up by what people, who don’t make decisions, say. That you should only pay attention to the person who holds the key to your future.

I would say I wish I knew this before, but I probably would still be confused about the team I’m on.

She told me she wanted to “balance out the teams.” So someone wouldn’t be stuck on the bench.

Ouch. I’ve been working since August and this chick comes in and already she’s better than me? All my friends might not be coaches, but they can spot when someone is better than another. My coach saying this made me feel empty and worthless. Like I was a ten karat diamond ring that was buried like a young child’s first goldfish. Something that had value at first, but the next second, didn’t. I felt so insecure that everything I had worked on, and pushed through was worth nothing.

Some people are lucky enough to be born with either natural ability, or an inherited name.

I have neither.

And I don’t know what else I can do beside work my hardest, when that apparently doesn’t get me anywhere.

After my first of a second JV season, thought of another meaning she might of meant by balancing out the teams. The entire JV consist of six sophomores and four juniors. I don’t know if they look up to us or not, but them asking me questions, and telling them to shake something off, that everything is going to be fine, made me feel like a parent to the team.

A team needs a leader, someone to step up and get everyone rolling. I’m not usually one to do it, because there’s always someone older, or that has been playing longer on the team, or for whatever reason. But tonight, I felt like a leader. And it was cool helping the other girls with plays, or having to tell them that they didn’t do anything wrong.

It felt good and I love everyone on the team.

I just don’t know why I can’t let go of this other girl taking away what I worked so hard for and thought I had earned, but have her just walk in and it be handed to her on a silver platter.

Team is greater than me. I’m not just saying this because I want so badly to be on varsity, but I truly feel like I would be better for the team rather than this other girl. Maybe she wants me to help out on JV, but why make me have to sacrifice what I’ve worked so hard for? If she thought the other girl would be a good fit too, then why not test her out on varsity first?

I don’t really quite know how to explain this feeling.

But it hurts.

OH and P.S. STOP complaining about your VARSITY shoes or ugly VARSITY jersey.

Miley, Miley, Miley..

What are we going to do with this child?!
Oh my goodness.
Just last week I was telling someone about this awesome YouTube video Miley posted, because the wanted to clear up some stuff with her fans.
Some of the stuff being:
a) NO, she's nawt getting married.
b) Yes, she still lives at home (she recorded the video in her mom's shoe closest.. I can't get over the fact(s) that her mom has a closet just for shoes, or that she has a computer in her shoe closet.)
and c) yeah, I can't remember what C was..
Oh! No, she didn't get in trouble with the cops.

-Watch the video and you'll understand.

But she sounded really sincere and, real? I don't know, like a normal seventeen year old.
I don't get how people criticize her for not being a normal teenager, because she's not.
She's Miley Cyrus.
Hannah Montana.
Grew up wanting to be in the biz, and when she got here she found a lot to love, and a lot not to love.
And everyone who isn't in the spotlight 24/7 and doesn't have creeper paparazzo hanging around them at all time doesn't know what it's like.
I tell myself that I wouldn't be bothered with it. But I'm pretty sure I'm lieing.

Anyway, Miley apparently has her second (known) tattoo, I wasn't aware she had a first but it's "Just Breathe" across her ribs-uh, ouch?.

Mhmmm, got to admit that it's kind of cute..

In other news, Miley appeared at the 2010 European Music Awards and from what I've read on the Internet, everyone seems to think her D&G dress was pretty sleazy because it showed off "side boob" I don't necessarily agree on that.

The dress is D&G, of course there's going to be something dramatic about it.
Do you expect her to wear something off the rack at Dillards? I think not.


I think I love MC again..
I'm not sure yet.

Ashley out!

My Life is About to be Amazing!

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy!!!

So, I was logging onto AOL and the news bar pops up and what do I find?
A link that says something about shopping, so of course I click on it, and BOOM.

I see and read the information that is going to make the Longview Mall, not an exactly huge waste of concrete and shopping space!!

"Ten Retailers Turning Department Stores Into Mini-Malls"

Apparently JCPenney's cut a deal with Aldo, which is one of my favorite places to buy accessories and shoes, and there is going to be 1,500 stores around the country! Which, hopefully one of those will be in our little ole scrap of a mall. The first "Call It Spring" by Aldo shop is going to be opened in the Penney's New York City store this year, with another 100 stores by spring and 500 more openings by fall 2011. Inside the shop will include men's and women's shoes and.. HANDBAGS.

Right about now I'm squealing with girl-ish joy.

Next is "French Connection" which is going to be in Sears.
Now, I'm not one to usually be caught in Sears, but I like "French" and "Connection" so I was already interested. Then I went to the web site-well actually I bing-ed it, then went to it's web site- and was sold.
usa.frenchconnection.com
go to the above and prepare to save all your Christmas money, to spend in Sears.
Yes. Sears.
French Connection is a UK in-store boutique, and it will open to 500 U.S. locations starting in the first part of 2011. Starting up it will include clothes, accessories for women, men, and kids, and later it will expand to swimwear, footwear, sunglasses, jewelry and housewares.

Ex. Ci. Ting.

Uh, Lush in Macy's is "British Toiletries" not exactly sure what that means, but British stuff!

Mango in JCP, Spanish women's sportswear, accessories, handbags and shoes


Sephora in JCP, have it already.

Sunglasses Hut in Macy's. I LOVE SUNGLASSES!

I can't but help be excited.
I mean I know this isn't going to fully save the Longview Mall, but it'll upgrade it a lil bit.
So if it's a rainy random Tuesday, and have gotten early release from school, going to the mall won't be off the To-Do list!
Here's the full story:

http://www.dailyfinance.com/story/company-news/in-store-shops-in-department-stores/19694054/?icid=maing%7Cmain5%7C6%7Clink1%7C24433


Ashley out:)

Cyrus

I am.. at my limit with the Cyrus family.

First, Miley's all cute and kid-friendly Hannah Montana (first two seasons)
             And her dad is ah-nnnoying on there btw, and of course he wouldn't have gotten the job if it hadn't been for his daughter getting the lead.

Second she becomes a bit more rebellious not to bad.
Oh but wait, there was those racy pictures that were circulating..
Including the Vanity Fair cover
and dating that twenty year old at sixteen years old.

Now up to date-ish we have
-A TMZ video of her grinding her forty-something male producer at a night club, that she shouldn't even have been allowed into. Let me add.
-Dating her cutie ex-Liam Hensworth, and PDA-ing everywhere they went.
-Her underwear/Lady Gaga wannabe outfits (plus her bringing her little sis into it!) P.S she said right before her first premiere of the outfits that she's "not trying to be slutty"

*cough* *cough*
-Can't Be Tamed. Album. Video. Song. Everything.
-No longer the Hannah Montana we know and (used) to love.











I get that she wants to grow up and everything. But I just don't think this is the way to do it.
She could be more classy about it, and not all.. I don't wanna say slutty but..

I didn't know this til recently, but she was suing her parents for management of her own career when she was dating Justin Gatson, you know the underwear model?
She's also bought her own house that she planned to move into when she turned eighteen with Liam, but they had their little break-up so she might be in that big ol' mansion by herself.

On top of all the problems and rumors that comes with being famous, her parents are getting divorced.
Just today I found this article with rumors saying that Tish, her mom, had an affair with Bret Michael's. You know that old man from Poison <---I think
http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/11/03/2010-11-03_bret_michaels_affair_with_mileys_mom_tish_cyrus_led_to_billy_ray_divorce_report.html
Come on now..

Oh! Can't forget about her appearance in Rock Mafia's video "Big Bang"
http://www.eonline.com/videos/v90804__The_Big_Bang__Music_Video.html

The dude is 26. She runs her hand up his thigh, make-out, wears a white see-through dress with her bikini? showing, make-out.
You get it.
Okay, I don't think it's all that bad. It could have been alot worse right?



Ashley out!